What Are You Giving Yourself—and Others—This Christmas?
Last week, I gave myself an early Christmas gift: a trip to New Mexico to photograph the crane migration at Bosque de Apache near Socorro, NM. Of course, being in the middle of December was inconvenient. My first thought was, I can’t possibly go then; I have too much to do for Christmas. And then I stopped in my tracks. I am widow with no children, no family commitments, and no puppy to care for... I can go.
As I stood in the stillness of the New Mexico desert, camera in hand, watching flocks of birds take flight against the morning light, I felt a rare kind of peace. I had given myself a gift of time, beauty, and the freedom to do something I loved. For a few moments, I was one with nature and the beauty of creation.
It’s not often we think about giving ourselves gifts during the holidays. But why not? The season is filled with giving to others—planning, hosting, and accommodating family and friends. Too often, we leave ourselves out of the equation.
That thought has stayed with me, especially as I remember a moment from a few years ago that surprised me. My sister-in-law called one December and asked, “What do you want for Christmas?” I burst into tears. No one had asked me that question since my husband, Paul, passed away. That simple question, that small act of being remembered, meant everything to me. I will never forget that phone call as a precious holiday gift. I can’t remember what they gave me, but I will never forget that I was asked and how that made me feel.
This season, I’m reflecting on the gifts we give—to ourselves, those we love, and those who might not receive anything at all. Giving isn’t always about the size or price of a gift. It’s about thoughtfulness and connection.
What Are You Giving Yourself for Christmas?
When was the last time you asked yourself this question?
As women, we tend to put ourselves last. We give, plan, and accommodate, but how often do we pause to ask what we want?
Your gift to yourself doesn’t have to be extravagant. It could be something big, like a memorable trip, or something small, like a cozy blanket, a favorite book, or a spa day. It could be the gift of time to rest, reflect, or pursue a passion.
What about you? What would bring you joy this season? Take a moment to write down one thing you’d like to give yourself this year. It could be something big or small—whatever fills your heart.
Creating Space for Others: Flexibility as a Gift
In recent years, the term "creating space" has entered our vocabulary, often as a way to describe the intentional act of making room for ourselves and others or meaningful experiences. I’ve always thought people were trying to find fancier ways to say I’m here for you, but creating space has a broader meaning. For example, it can be carving out time for yourself to rest or reflect, clearing mental or physical clutter to focus on what matters most, or stepping back to give others the freedom to express themselves or grow.
By creating space for others—whether through flexible plans or small acts of kindness—you bring light to their holiday. It's about thoughtfulness, connection, and making room for what truly matters.
At its heart, creating space is about choosing connection, peace, and presence over busyness and being overwhelmed.
Bring Flexibility to Everyone’s Holiday
The holidays can bring a lot of tension, especially around scheduling. I’ve seen it with my family and friends who have adult children. They struggle to coordinate plans, balancing their own traditions with those of their adult children’s spouses.
One of the most thoughtful gifts you can give your family is flexibility. Consider shifting your plans to accommodate everyone instead of limiting yourself to a specific time or day.
- Host Christmas Eve dinner if Christmas morning is busy for them.
- Plan a holiday brunch later in the week.
- Suggest gathering between Christmas and New Year’s.
I’ve found that the in-law who’s willing to adjust often becomes the one everyone wants to spend time with. Flexibility isn’t about giving up your own traditions—it’s about creating space for new ones.
New traditions can be magical. Maybe you’ll cook the holiday meal together, host a holiday game night, or enjoy a pajama party with movies. When you’re open to change, you can create memories long after the season ends.
The Forgotten: Remembering Those Who Give the Most
As I think back to that moment when my sister-in-law asked what I wanted for Christmas, I’m reminded of how often the people who give the most receive the least in return. Caregivers, teachers, neighbors, or friends who quietly show up for everyone are often overlooked during the holidays.
Who in your life might not receive a gift this season? A single friend? A coworker who’s always there for others? The nurse who cared for you during a tough time?
This year, consider being the person who remembers them. It doesn’t have to be extravagant:
- A handwritten note telling them what they mean to you.
- A plate of cookies, homemade soup, or a loaf of homemade bread.
- A small gift card to their favorite coffee shop.
I keep packets of candy in my car to give service workers gifts. If I’m going through a drive-through, I provide the servers with a packet of candy. It makes their day. Who is someone you encounter every day that you can remember, even in the smallest way?
Sometimes, the simplest gestures carry the most weight. It’s not about the gift itself but the act of remembering someone.
The True Gift: Being Seen and Valued
The holidays can be a lonely time, especially for those of us who are widowed, divorced, or navigating life on our own. When my sister-in-law asked me that simple question— “What do you want for Christmas?”—it wasn’t about the gift. It was about feeling seen, valued, and remembered.
We all need that. And we all have the power to give it.
Take a moment to look around your world. Who might need a little extra love this season? A kind word, a thoughtful gift, or even a phone call can make all the difference.
Who Matters to You?
The holidays aren’t just about giving to others but also about giving to yourself. What do you need this season? What would bring you joy, peace, or comfort?
And as you think about giving to others, expand your circle. Remember the people who might not expect a gift this year and be the one to surprise them.
The beauty of giving isn’t in the size of the gift. It’s in the thought, the connection, and the act of saying, “I see you. You matter.”
So, what are you giving yourself this Christmas? And who might you remember in a way that touches their heart?
Let’s make this season one of thoughtfulness, joy, and connection. Because, in the end, that’s what the holidays are all about.
Until next time,
Mary Harvey
