Twelve Years Sober:
The Truth No One Wants to Hear

Twelve years ago today, I hit rock bottom.

Not the kind of "rock bottom" that comes with a warning label or some dramatic movie moment where you suddenly realize it’s time to change. No, mine was a slow, painful unraveling until one day—February 4th—I found myself with no more excuses. No more rationalizing. No more pretending I was in control. If I hadn’t hit bottom that day, I’d be dead.

My suicide attempt had failed, leaving me face-to-face with a question I couldn’t avoid: How would I come to terms with living?

I think about that sometimes—all the things I would have missed if I had died. The sunrises, the quiet moments, the laughter, births, birds, and the joy of creation.

Life has been better without drinking in so many ways. And today, I get to celebrate that. Twelve years later, I’m still here (annoying some people). I’m still sober. And yes, there will be cake.

If You’re Struggling, Listen Up

Twelve years ago, I couldn’t imagine going a single day without drinking. Now, I’ve strung together 4,383 days of sobriety like pearls on a necklace—each one a small, luminous piece of freedom, hard-earned and irreplaceable. Just like pearls, sobriety doesn’t happen overnight. It forms over time, layer by layer, growing more valuable with each passing day.

I don’t share this to brag. I share it because I want you to know that change is possible. I don’t care how old you are, how many times you’ve tried, or how many people have written you off. If I could do it, you can do it.

Alcohol not your addiction? Maybe it’s prescription meds, muscle relaxers, shopping, sex, gambling, food, or even porn. Addiction comes in countless forms, but at its core, it all boils down to one thing: has the addiction taken control of your life? If the answer is yes, then this message is for you.

Here’s what I’ve learned in 12 years:

• Life will always give you more than you think you can handle.
  • The trick isn’t numbing it with alcohol. It’s building the tools to deal with it.
• Your career, your family, your past—none of it justifies drinking.
  • I used to blame stress, pressure, and pain. But life still happens, whether you drink or not.
• "One day at a time" isn’t just a cliché.
  • I never set out to be sober for 12 years. I just make a decision every single day not to drink.

And now?

I don’t drink for the same reason I don’t set myself on fire—because I know exactly what it will do to me. I’m one of those alcoholics who, if I have one drink, I can’t stop. If one is good, five or six are better. That’s just how my brain is wired.

Studies show that fewer than 1 in 10 people with alcohol dependence can return to controlled drinking long-term, with relapse being the most common outcome. I’m too scared even to test it.

I made a commitment to my Creator 12 years ago today: If He would help me rebuild my life, I would never drink again.

Are there moments I think about having a drink? Sure. Two years ago, when we were launching on our Mediterranean cruise, my friend and I talked about the champagne toast—would I participate? I thought about it for weeks. I just couldn't do it. I'd made a pact with the God of my understanding. He had been faithful to me. I couldn’t break that promise.

Not today, Lord. Not today.

The Truth About Alcohol
(That No One Wants to Hear)

Let’s get real. The world loves to downplay the dangers of alcohol. We celebrate it, gift it, and build entire social circles around it. We laugh off how "Mommy needs wine" or "It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere."

Meanwhile, new research is crystal clear: Alcohol is a Group 1 carcinogen, just like asbestos and tobacco. The U.S. Surgeon General just came out saying there is no safe amount of alcohol consumption. Not one drop.

Think about that the next time someone tells you a little wine is good for your heart.

We don’t argue with the science when it comes to smoking, processed foods, or environmental toxins. But when someone says alcohol is dangerous? Oh no, we push back. Why? Because it’s everywhere. It’s socially acceptable. It’s big business.

Loving Someone Who Drinks Too Much, or Deals With ANY Addiction? Read This.

If you love someone who drinks too much, please hear this: You are not doing them any favors.

You think you’re helping by covering for them, making excuses, picking up the pieces after a bender or paying their bills? But you’re not. You’re just delaying the inevitable.

I had to hit rock bottom. And it was ugly. No one could have saved me from that—not my career, not my family, not the reputation I had spent years building. No one.

We don’t get to choose what someone else’s "bottom" looks like. Sometimes, it’s losing a job. Sometimes, it’s losing a marriage. Sometimes, it’s six feet underground.

And yes, that is the hardest truth of all.

If you’re watching someone spiral into addiction, I know how much it hurts. I know how badly you want to intervene. But here’s the thing: You cannot love someone into sobriety or rescue them. But you can step aside and let them face the truth.

There’s Always a Choice

If you’re reading this and struggling, I want you to know: It’s never too late to change.

Maybe you’re not ready today. Maybe you don’t want to hear this at all. That’s okay. I wasn’t ready either—until the day I was.

But hear me on this: You are not broken beyond repair.

Sobriety isn’t just about avoiding alcohol—it’s about choosing to live fully every single day. Every hour sober is another pearl on the necklace, another moment of freedom, another reason I get to stand here and say:

I am still here. And for me, that is something worth celebrating.

Until Next Time,
​Mary Harvey

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Next Week Part 2:
​Letting Them vs. Losing Them:
When to Step In and When to Let Go

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